Back To Pakistan

It is not easy, in fact impossible, to convince a married Pakistani female to move back to Pakistan.  If you’re trying to get her to 2nd your opinion to move back to Pakistan, I believe, in 99 % of the cases, you will not get it.  So in the end it’s an executive decision.  You, the decision maker, if you are one of those, have to be absolutely convinced that this is the right path and the right thing to do.  However, you have to make sure that you do as much as you can, and as fast as you can, to alleviate some of her concerns, as mentioned in other sections of this website.  I would like to again emphasize, that the concerns are not a figment of her imagination and are real; hence, addressing them is important.  You can’t really shove them aside.

I have seen many friends whose plans did not have the endorsements of their wives and eventually they were not executed.  In fact, in one case, he even managed to defy many odds, and secure himself in 3 weeks a couple of dream job offers in Pakistan.  Every single person who loved him, including his parents and siblings, wanted him to come back except his wife, and in the end he did not.  Personally, it was a very sad day for me when he decided not to move back.  I’m not saying that the wife part was the deal breaker, but it was certainly a strong element is swaying the decision.  I mean, whenever you’re making such a big decision, having the endorsement of your spouse certainly make things a lot easier, but it is not easy to get that endorsement.

I believe the female aspect is a very critical aspect in moving back to Pakistan.  It must not be underestimated.  It exponentially increases your bar of moving back to Pakistan.  Now, it’s possible that things can change once you have daughters who are a few years old; but before then, it’s very difficult to convince Pakistani females to accept the Pakistani lifestyle.

In fact, I have also seen many single Pakistani females who do not want to move back.  I mean the parents can always force them to move back and they do move back due to the pressure of their parents, but on their own, if given a choice, you’ll be surprised.

I and my wife have talked to many Pakistani expatriate friends about moving back to Pakistan, and in the end, the women have a fundamentally different views on things than men.

The Pakistani females both married and unmarried love to live outside of Pakistan.  They love the autonomy; they love the freedom; they love the better quality of life; they love non-interference from their parents or in-laws; they love reduced social pressure from other Pakistani female relatives; they love the more intellectually stimulating environment; and in the case of married females, above all, they can have their husbands all to themselves…  They love to live outside of Pakistan and they don’t want to go back because of the reasons mentioned above and perhaps some others.  Once they get used to it, and literally, it takes them less than a year to do so, they don’t want to move back.  True there is more work to do, more housework, cooking, cleaning bathrooms and no maids but regardless, provided there is a good social circle and progressive growth opportunities, all the cooking and cleaning takes a backseat after a while.

The Pakistani females view the move back to Pakistan from a very different perspective than males.  And really, the difference is not just in the viewpoint. To a huge degree, the loss / degradation in quality of life and personal growth and freedom for the females is real and much more compared to a Pakistani male.  For a man, if he can be sure about his income or business, he is reasonably well settled in his mind and in his life.  After all, he’s moving back to a patriarchal society where his word more often than not is the law.  From a personal freedom viewpoint, the degradation for a man is minimal, perhaps even non-existent.  To be fair, routine driving and daily life interactions with shopkeepers, plumbers, electricians aren’t a piece of cake and can be extremely taxing and demanding, but still, it seems they get a better deal in moving back. For married couples, husbands don’t have to help with dishes or vacuuming or any other housework anymore. One hopes they wouldn’t change drastically when they move back and they’ll still help out, they’ll still be the same.  Easier said than done.  Constant reinforcement and encouragement of prevalent patriarchal values from all around does rarely let this happen.

In my experience, I have seen many times, that the guys want to move back to Pakistan, but their wives are not too gung-ho about it.  And the more time passes, the more difficult it becomes… So one of the main battles in moving back to Pakistan, especially for married people, is to understand and address this aspect.  There is no concrete resolution of this issue, and no resolution comes easy or cheap.  It cannot be completely addressed with rules and talking, it requires practical steps.  For example, if one can ensure an independent house for their family, and hence, a more independent lifestyle, then perhaps 50% of the problem is solved. If financially you are strong and better able to “compete” socially, then perhaps the pinch of the social pressure and adjustment wouldn’t be as much. Another apprehension of wives in moving back is losing their husband. It seems husbands are mentally more available to their wives when outside of Pakistan. Perhaps it’s because they aren’t constantly and daily bombarded with other female points of views- their mother’s, sisters’ and female cousins. It’s also because they don’t have many close male relatives to talk to that often. And perhaps it’s also because outside of Pakistan they can muster some grains of sensitivity since wife’s family is so far away and she does need care and comfort. Then entire infrastructure is such that husband and wife are naturally and constantly thrown together as opposed to the life in Pakistan where forces at work appear to be pulling them apart in different directions.

After all said and done, all fuming and venting, perhaps there is no place better than Pakistan to have a family and raise your kids. There are so many good things for children we take for granted in this system, such as Islamiat classes at school, that forbidding glare of grandparents, and that constant reminder of family’s ‘izzat’ (honor) in society, that when we have to inculcate all that in a parallel society, it would, and I am sure those who are doing it will agree, is the hardest thing ever to do. Will I encourage everyone to move back solely because of their children? Never. Life here financially is hard and difficult. Basic amenities or not as you would find them abroad. But as iterated in all the other articles on this website, if you have the potential, the talent, and the will to go ahead and earn yourself money, there is no better place than Pakistan for that either.

1.  Make enough money outside of Pakistan and somehow invest it somewhere such that you keep on getting sufficient income to sustain your living in Pakistan. Now that your savings and bread and butter are secured, you are free to either do a Job or start a business in Pakistan. This is probably only possible in a retirement model.  Before retirement age, rarely have I seen anybody achieve this state.  This is not a plan to move back to Pakistan.  This is a plan to retire in Pakistan.

2.  Get a good job in Pakistan while sitting outside of Pakistan, and move back for that ‘good job’.  Extremely difficult maneuver.  Almost never happens.

3.  Get a good job in Pakistan while sitting outside of Pakistan, take a vacation or a leave of absence from your expatriate Job, go to Pakistan, do this new job and then decide what to do.. Whether to move back for good or go back?  Also a very tough maneuver…  Most people go back after their vacation or when the leave of absence is over.

4.  Come to Pakistan for a three to four week vacation.  Look for a job and then decide what to do.  First, it is not easy to find a good job to your standard in three to four weeks.  Even if you are lucky enough to score this, the decision to move back to Pakistan is not about the job alone.  It is a much more fundamental decision and hence has a lot of complexity to it.  I have seen people secure dream jobs in three to four weeks, but still could not decide to move back to Pakistan at the end of that intense exercise.  Serious mental preparation is required to move back to Pakistan.  This is an extremely difficult plan.

5.  Set up a business in Pakistan, while sitting outside, and once that business is profitable, then move back to Pakistan.  People…  This is not happening! This is one of the biggest myths!!

6.   Do a deal with a friend who is starting a business in Pakistan, you invest and become a partner hoping that one day, via this business, you will move back to Pakistan.  This is also not happening!!  Give it up!

7.  Set up a business in the US or where ever you are outside of Pakistan, then create justification for opening up a branch office in Pakistan of the same business, and then shuttling back and forth between those offices, hoping that one day this scheme will somehow help you move back to Pakistan for good.  Although I have seen some success of this business model, it is a long and intense process.  Not easy to pull off.  People end up screwing the business or get stuck out of Pakistan since their business is based outside of Pakistan.

8.  As long as you have good, faithful and many servants who have been employed by your family for a long time, your old parents will be taken care of in Pakistan by them.  This is wrong…. In Pakistan, you cannot count on your servants to take care of your parents.  Sooner or later, things go out of control. You should not leave old people at the mercy of servants, as long as their children are alive.

9.  As long as you have good and many servants, the same kind mentioned in item 8, your mother can live alone in Pakistan.  People, Pakistan is not a place for females to live alone.  This is a very big NO….

After having studied, worked and lived in North America for 13 years, moving back to Pakistan was one of the most difficult decisions I ever made. Now that I have been living in Karachi for the last 3 1/2 years, my only regret is why did I not move back sooner?

For me the decision to move back was clear, although a very difficult and a complex decision, like it is for almost all expatriate Pakistanis, but nonetheless clear. I was absolutely convinced that I needed to go back to Pakistan. Such a difficult decision was not arrived at overnight nor was it triggered by any particular event, rather it took me almost 4 years to think through this decision, and after numerous trips to Pakistan, came a point in the summer of 2004 when I said “adios” to the Bay Area in California. When I moved back to Karachi, Pakistan, I did not have a job lined-up nor did I have any business lined-up or a setup for me to take-over. It was a decision based on fundamentals, not upon transient or secured opportunities which I had to simply execute. Although I’ll admit that I tried very hard to do like that, like most people would do before taking a plunge, but I could not succeed, this also like most people. What I mean, as a sensible working professional, one would try and secure a good job before making a move, or one would try to setup a business and then make a move, but I came to the conclusion, none of these things were possible, at least not that would meet my standard until and unless I was there myself and understood the ground realities. You have to be in Pakistan yourself to make things happen. If you think you can secure an excellent job in Pakistan while sitting in the US, you are 99% incorrect in thinking this way. If you think you can setup a viable business in Pakistan while sitting in the US, which would form the basis of your moving back to Pakistan, think again. Both of these classic lines of thinking by expatriate Pakistanis are pseudo-myths.

The paramount reason of my moving back to Pakistan was family. For me, home is where your family is. I.e. Parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, etc. In my case, all of them, for both myself and my wife’s were in Pakistan. Since there was no conceivable way that we all could live in the US at the same time, the only logical place was Pakistan. This was simply the primary driving force. To me, most things tangible and non-tangibles were gradually becoming quite meaningless without the presence of my family members. I wanted to see these people on a daily or weekly basis, and be available physically during the ups and downs of the family.  For me, a fundamental value of life was staying close to the family members since I drove the maximum happiness out of this.  So In short, I can even say, in the pursuit of my happiness and to defend my core values in life, I had to be in Pakistan.

Secondly, I wanted my family members to benefit from my experiences in life, my exposure to different thoughts and different individuals in this world, be those experiences academic, professional or otherwise. I wanted to give back to my family for all what they have done for me. So initially, I used to send US Dollars back home to take care of their issues, needs, luxuries, etc. Used to have long phone conversations to solve outstanding issues or give them suggestions / advice, etc. Used to visit Pakistan frequently to take up pending matters, etc, etc. The list goes on and on… In many ways, there was some sort of remote control going on. It worked to some degree… However, personally, I was not satisfied with the results, as all this remote control was having a limited effect, as expected. Moreover, it was very taxing on me personally from a mental energy perspective, and mostly, I wanted to make a difference in the lives of my family members, especially on the immediate ones on a daily basis. This was only possible with my personal presence. Period. There was no two-ways about it.  I mean, why should your family members not benefit from your experiences and capabilities?  Why should your old parents go to the hospital all by themselves?  Why should your nieces and nephews make the same mistakes that you made when you were young?

Thirdly, I used to say to myself, how can one abandon one’s homeland? How can you not live there anymore? How can you not payback your parents, siblings and other people who have helped you become what you are today? Granted, there are many issues with Pakistan, but hey, it’s your home. If there are issues, try to solve them. Work on them. Make your 2 cent contribution. You should not run-away from it. If you do, your homeland will be taken over by the dogs, which it is already. This basically means, your running-away will make this place even more miserable, and since you cannot detach yourself from this place, you cannot get rid of this place’s identity, since you cannot get rid of this skin, colour and name, you might as well embrace it and try to make the best of it. I was absolutely convinced, running away from it will make the situation worse, and it will come back again and again to haunt me.

I mean, I used to say to myself, what am I weighing these core values against?  A better car?  A better house?  A better Job?  Is this a good trade-off?  I just could not trade my core values against material and non-material advantages for myself.  I just couldn’t.  All three reasons/values above were the primary driving factors behind the decision, however, the following few made the transition easier.

First of all, my thinking was, if all these people in Pakistan, compared to whom I considered myself more educated and more capable professionally, can make a good living in Pakistan and live comfortably, then why can’t I? I’m no less than them. In fact, in many ways, I’m much more capable than them. So what’s the fear in moving to Pakistan? If I really want I will be able to find a good job, or if I really want, I can start-up a new business or do many things which people in Pakistan are already doing and make a good living. In fact, I should be able to do it better than them. I was pretty confident!

Armed with this confidence, I managed to overcome my fear of jumping into the unknown, and by the grace of Allah, my confidence was not unfounded.

What I found out was, Pakistan is a relatively simple, inefficient and backward economy, therefore, there are tremendous opportunities in this country. The biggest scarcity in this country is management talent, which is generally the forte of expatriate Pakistanis. You can take anything, starting from a small retail shop, like a mobile shop, to an IT / software company, to a large multinational company, to a traditional textile manufacturing concern, management talent, by and large, is not world-class here. I mean there are many world-class professionals running the economy, however, compared to the opportunities, the quantity is very very limited. Therefore, you can decide to do any business you want, and you can do it better than most people in Pakistan. Period. Expatriate Pakistanis’ forte is not having financial resources, nor having technical know-how, it’s the management skill – doing things in a methodical, scientific and professional manner. Funny as it may sound, this is an expatriate’s forte, nothing else. The Pakistanis who live in Pakistan have plenty of skills, money and market know-how regarding Pakistan, businesses, jobs and what’s going on in the world. They know it all, however, cannot execute on those ideas in a methodical manner.

So financially speaking, I used to say to myself, I’m losing out as well. I can make a lot more money in Pakistan and be with my family at the same time. What the hell am I doing in the US? And believe me, by the grace of Allah, I was a silicon valley techie and was very well taken care of from all respects by any standard, nonetheless, the potential which I could see in Pakistan was mind-boggling.

Anyway, 3 1/2 years have passed since I moved back to Pakistan, and my only regret is that I should have moved back earlier. I have lost plenty of precious time.. Right now, the only limitation that I have is time. By the grace of Allah, there are so many projects both social and financial that I can do, but due to practical considerations, I can only work on one or two things at a time. I mean you take the energy sector, the opportunities in Pakistan are limitless.. The financial, telecom, automobiles, real estate… Damn it, all sectors are exploding… Even the IT/Outsourcing industry is picking up again… So whether you are looking for a good well paying job, or thinking of starting your own business, Pakistan is the best place to be. I mean think about it, we even have a multinational company “Daewoo” running buses for us in this country. So don’t think you need to be a rocket scientist to do something here. I will not deny the problems this country has, however, most of the issues can be addressed, and for those issues, like law and order, which cannot be addressed by you, you have to learn to live with them, and as a good citizen, make your 2 cents contributions to make thing better. Running away is not a solution. If your loved ones can live in Pakistan, then so can you!!